Turning 21
I will be turning in this week and it feels like a bigger milestone than what I was feeling on my 18th. I was administratively an adult when I turned 18 but I feel much more of a real adult as I turn 21. I might look back at this article and laugh when I look back on my 25th birthday, but genuinely I feel the most grown-up I have ever felt.
One of the major things I learned while evolving from the baby I was at aged 20 to now is people. I’d like to quote Fleabag at this moment, one of my favorite shows and one of the best dark-witted humor out there, “People is all we have”. I think another big factor was the pandemic which made me realize that even though I feel I am an edgy introvert and judge everyone else and mock what they do, I still love to be around people and can’t stand a life of solitude or leaving like a hermit.
Looking back, one of the biggest things which changed me was almost 10 years ago
Dealing with the idea of Death as a 10-year-old
As any other kid growing up in India, summer holidays were quickly and flawlessly translated to going to your gaon, in more refined terms, your native place. My Dad’s side of the family was predominantly from Mumbai so there was not a tangible native place while growing up in Mumbai, but that meant I could visit my maternal grandparents in Sangli where my Mom is from.
Contrasting to the life I was living in the metro city, Sangli was a smaller city and my grandparents had a big bungalow with a small park right in front of it and a large terrace where my Ajji (Grandmother) had her flower plants. The amount of space that was offered to me was unreal for a child coming from a cramped up apartment in Mumbai.
I played till my legs gave up and were fully an outdoors person, trying to make small wells in the backyard, playing cricket with my friends, learning how to cycle. I’d go swimming in the river with a plastic container tied to me as a float and honestly would be terrified when I saw middle-aged when with their bellies out talking about how the river allegedly was full of crocodiles.
I made new friends, discovered new things, always fought against having to sleep in the afternoon but was always made to sleep because. In hindsight, my grandparents were right because there’s nothing better than an afternoon siesta. My grandfather owned a shop that sold electrical goods and supplies and I was always given the menial task of counting the change. In all, it was something a city kid would dream of and I was living the dream.
My Ajji was the sweetest person I think I have encountered in my life. She was this beautiful lady who was always fresh and I never saw her tired or doing just nothing. She would always be busy with something or the other and she had grace and poise about her. I was just learning Marathi at the time and she would read me Chintu comics from the Marathi newspaper every Saturday morning and explain the jokes to me. I always wonder how she managed to always put on a smile. She’d take me out every evening with her on the scooter around the city to complete her errands.
Things changed when I started 5th grade and heard the grownups talking that she wasn’t feeling well and was detected with cancer. Now I don’t expect any 10 year old to understand the gravity of the situation but for some reason, I went into the bathroom and cried and cried out buckets. I didn’t know anything else but had just associated the word cancer with losing someone. My summer visits soon stopped and became infrequent. Whenever I did visit Sangli, the always bubbly and sunny atmosphere had evolved into a gloomy and sad environment. My Ajji was still smiling through it all, like a champ.
After numerous chemotherapy sessions and countless appointments with the doctor, she passed away peacefully at her own house in her sleep. I was distraught because the light in my life had dimmed out and that house just never felt the same to me ever again.
I guess when they say People make a house a home does make sense
