Growing Up
Growing up all children are given a fake sense of freedom and independence associated with the term becoming an “adult”. According to the government, At 18 I can drive a car, vote in the regional and national elections, and also will be legally called an adult. Further at 21, I can drink alcohol and marry a person and it won’t be illegal anymore. That’s just on pen and paper, when a person actually reaches that point things turn out starkly different.
Incidentally, the past month had a lot of events and small points where I finally felt like an adult, not in control of my life at all, but something in my head shifted which made me more aware of the fact that I’m not the school kid anymore who can just finish school, complete my homework and then play with my friends every day. That careless element which I had experienced so far while growing up, even when I was 18, it’s slowly wearing off.
The first event was my birthday last month, finally turned 21, yeah make all the marriage jokes you want but fuck I can’t even handle myself properly. That day will remain unforgettable due to the fact that I was a complete asshole to the people who wanted to celebrate my existence in this world. Running around every day, feeling that I am the main character in the life which is the whole plot I’m living out shattered that day to some extent. I am grateful for all those people who thought of me that day and I apologized immediately, but it made me feel more responsible for what I say and do because I’m not the kid who can throw tantrums anymore. Everyone has their own life, their own problems, and situations to handle. I felt that this is what adulting is in its crux, making plans which never work out, but you know that they will never work out, but still, you hope and plan!
The second mini-episode if you can call that involved the parents buying a new car. I was super excited and still am stoked about it and wanted to take it out for a spin with the homies and have a drive around the city. This excitement was diffused quite quickly when the birth givers told me that I can’t go out. I was kind of annoyed but expected this was going to happen because it was a brand new car. I went on about my day and made no fuss about it, though had a little scruff with mom, she blew me away when she dismissed the whole case with one sentence. Driving is not about the safety of the people in the car, it’s also about the safety of the people outside it. When I turned 18 I hardly ever thought of this but legally I could have driven a car at that point in time. If I extrapolate this logic and try to provide an analogy with what adulting means, it's not about just me anymore, I’m going to be responsible for the people around me as well, be it in a personal or professional capacity. My actions will affect others which will be irreversible.
The third major event happened quite recently. A friend of mine returned from his University abroad for a few days for Diwali and he had been the closest pal I had growing up. We kind of drifted apart after school for a certain time but we still remain great friends now. Well, while conversing with him and the whole gang on his terrace at 2 am in the morning, the only conclusion I came to while we were reminiscing memories from the past, and was We grew up too quickly. After a month he sits on the plane, heading to his connecting airport in Europe while I write this. Childhood friendships are never going to be the same again, people will move cities, move countries and move continents to improve their life, that’s just how it is. But now as I turn 21, I cherish these small pockets of time I get to spend with these exact friends. I won’t see them as often now but the flipside of the situation is that the small-time I do get, it’ll be memorable for the rest of my life, and isn’t that beautiful in itself?
Growing up is something like alcohol, which we yearn for as children, but when we get a taste of it, it tastes bitter, but we have to carry on and keep digesting it because everyone else is doing so. The mirage that life gets better after becoming an adult is shattered quickly and the sense of reality sinks in that, you have to do the best with what you have and keep moving ahead.
